


Shattered

by noloveleft



Series: Synonyms for Broken [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Cutting, Depression, M/M, Poetry, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-23
Updated: 2013-12-23
Packaged: 2018-01-05 18:01:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1096879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noloveleft/pseuds/noloveleft
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The green eyed boy is sad.</p><p>The blue eyed boy doesn't realize until it's to late.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shattered

**Author's Note:**

>  
> 
>  I don't know what possessed me to write this

Leaving the room

A moment in peace

No one else knows

The secret affection

How you love him

Nothing feels right

 

The long strides you take to get away

The pain in your heart is ending

Then it starts again

The voices ensnaring you in their traps

 

They tell you to run the cold metal across

To make the lines

To spill the crimson liquid

To cover it up like nothing happened

They tell you it is okay

That you are happy

You start to believe

It becomes natural

 

They start to notice

How you avoid them

Only wearing long sleeves

To cover the marks of your mind

They try to confront you nothing works

 

The one you loved-love tries

He gets no where

He tries to make you feel better

It works until the voices start to talk

They tell you that he doesn’t care

You foolishly believe them

 

The boy you love is sitting there watching

You don’t know but he loves you

He can’t tell you because he can’t trust anyone

He needs to tell you but he can’t

He needs to give up on the other person

The girl

 

The girl is what separates the two of you

You can’t realize it but everyone else does

She is the reason that you blame yourself

The reason you make the marks on your wrists

Every night before you go to bed

Why you can’t be with the one you love

Why he can’t tell you he loves you desperately

Why no one is happy

 

You try your hardest to be happy

The fake smiles

The fake laughter

The fake feelings

The fake everything

 

Nothing is as it should be

You think you waste your time

You think you waste everyone elses time

What you don’t realize really can kill you

 

You can’t see the way he looks at you

The way he tries to comfort you

How he tries his hardest to be there for you

But they say:

Ignorance is bliss

But not this time

 

You stand in the shower

No longer having the strength to

Crumbling to the floor

Knees to your chest

Water falling over you wrist

The stinging sensation

Tells you that you are alive

Stopping the water

Taking the towel over you

You are dry but then you feel wetness

 

The tears they take over your emotions

They roll down your face

In a race to see who can roll down faster

You stare at the reflection

You hate what you see

Every imperfection

Even the good things

Hate

Hate

Hate

 

You take the cool metal out

You take the one you want

Depending on how much pain is needed

To feel alive again

You take one

Line up the blade and the skin and press

It breaks the barrier

Drips into the sink

You pick the blade up and press another line

And another

And another

Until you feel complete

You wipe up the paint

Put away the the brushes

Admiring the work of art on your wrists

 

He is trying to watch you closely

He is trying to get you to open up to him

He is trying so hard it hurts him

He is trying so hard that he cries every night

He wants to fix everything

He wants to love the curly haired boy so bad

He needs to fix it

He wants to be let in again

He knows what needs to be done

He needs the girl out

 

What he needs to know

He needs to do it fast

Needs to take control

Needs to come back home to love the other boy

Not now

He needs to do it fast or there won’t be any time to do it

 

You come back home

The home you share with the boy you love

He is not here

This is good

He can’t see the blue eyed brown haired boy

This will just make everything harder

He goes to his desk

Writing a letter

 

He wrote a letter

A letter saying that he loves this boy

A letter saying that he needs to get away from life

A letter saying that he was this way a long time

A letter saying the boy wasn’t to blame

A letter saying that he will miss everyone

A letter saying that he doesn’t want anyone to follow him

A letter saying that his mind was a dark place

A letter saying that he is sorry

A letter simply ending

Harry

 

He goes to the cabinet

Takes out his supplies

Not needing to think about how much pain is needed

He needs to have all the pain in the world

He wants everything to end

He picks the one that will make it last the longest

He picks the one that would end his life

He picks the one that will make his last picture

He picks the one that will make him at peace

The one that will make him be free

Make him be at peace

He will be set free finally

 

The blade pressing harder and harder into the skin

Harder until the bright red liquid comes out

Then another maybe on the other side

A few more until his canvas is full

The boy slides down the wall

He stares at his wrists and he admires his work

He stares at it until his artwork is the last thing he sees

 

The blue eyed boy did it

He finally got rid of her

He didn’t want her

He wanted him

The house was quiet

He went to the curly haired boy’s room

The boy wasn’t on his bed

Only a note folded

 

No

Thats what he thought

He set the note down refusing to read it

He ran to the bathroom

He turned the knob

Only to see the red liquid everywhere

He knelt down

To feel the green eyed boy’s pulse

Almost nothing

He cried out

He sobbed

He called the ambulance

They needed to save him

They needed to bring him back to life

He needed to tell him that he loved him

 

The green eyed boy tried so long to get over it

He felt so alone even with people around

That is why he killed the artist to his paintings

He couldn’t handle what life brought him

He couldn’t handle the thought of people

The people who would hate him

The people who would pity him

The people who would now realize they loved him

The people who wouldn’t care

The people who would try to follow him

He needed to be away forever

He was just so tired

 

They tried to bring back the boy

But he was already claimed by the dark force

Even if he did come back nothing would help him

He would wallow with a dark cloud over his head

Not even if the beautiful boy came professing his love

Nothing would ever bring him out of the darkness

So he didn’t fight it he embraced it

 

The brown hair of the blue eyed boy

It was shaggy and knotted

The curly one had been in the hospital for a few hours

He had still got no answers

Nothing from anyone

He needed to know what was going on with the boy

He wants him to be okay

He wants him to be alive

He want to kiss him on his lips

Without having to be forced by a game

He wants to hold him when he’s down

He wanted to be there before this so that he could’ve stopped this

He doesn’t want for anyone to be there

He just wants for the two of them to leave hand in hand

 

But he knows none of that is possible

The doctor tells him

The boy with the beautiful green eyes and soft curls has left

That broke the blue eyed boy

The sobbs shook his body

The crying was uncontrollable

He was consoled by his friend

Nothing was right he was supposed to wake up

 

He wasn’t supposed to be gone

They were supposed to be happy together

They were supposed to go home and be together

They were supposed to date

They were supposed to get engaged

They were supposed to get married

They were supposed to have kids

They were supposed to grow old

They were supposed to die together

Now none of this was possible

 

He remembered the paper

The paper folded on the bed

The one he set down to try

The one he hadn’t given a second thought about

The one that was still on the floor where he threw it

This letter was all he had left

All he truly had left

The last thing that he would truly mean

The last thing that would remind him of the curly haired boy

 

The letter

The letter was beautiful

The letter was simple

The letter was confusing

The letter ensured that he loved him

The letter was truly heart felt

The letter was everything he had not to blame himself

The letter told him everything

The letter said that he was sorry

The letter simply ended

Harry

  
  
  



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